Wednesday, May 28, 2014

What's The Rush?

When I was in kindergarten, I couldn't WAIT to go to middle school.  When I was in middle school, I couldn't WAIT to go to high school.  When I was in high school I couldn't WAIT to drive a car.  When I could drive a car, I couldn't WAIT to move out of the house.

Are you seeing a trend?

As I was growing, each milestone that approached gave me a rush.  Just as if the turbo-button had been pressed on my spaceship, I'd be propelled forward by a momentary burst of excitement, freedom, and awe.

I still experience the rush of approaching, smashing, and passing milestones: engagement was awesome, my wedding was beyond awesome, and becoming a parent is simply indescribable.  I even enjoy less common milestones: end of deployment, moving back to the states... heck, sometimes I celebrate the passing of a rough week!

I wonder, am I so enthralled by the passage of time or am I simply entertained by newness?  Perhaps I feel that with each milestone passed I have entered into a new realm of personhood. I am slowly being inducted into the club of people who have Been There and Done That.

Since becoming a parent, I have frequently caught myself thinking, "I can't wait until..." I can't wait until he laughs.  I can't wait until he can sit up by himself.  I can't wait until he crawls.  But, HOLD THE PHONE!!!  I try my best to stop such nonsense from leaving my brain by way of my mouth.  My son's approaching, smashing, and passing of milestones is all happening way too fast for my comfort.

I now think back to the adults who have told me "don't be in such a rush."  I will probably hear myself tell my son the same thing.  (Probably sooner than I expect!)

I wonder, will I clench my fist in triumph when my long-awaited AARP card comes in the mail someday?  Will I feel the rush of excitement and freedom as I purchase my first senior-priced item or get an invitation to my very first colonoscopy?  (SCORE!)

I realize I have an opportunity now, while I'm young, to make a life choice: get stoked about the experiencing of milestones or get stoked about the experiencing of moments; the grand and the minute.

I think I'll choose the latter... and I can't WAIT to pass that on to my son.  I just can't wait.

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